


Monsters of Our Own

by pasiphile



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mind Meld, non-explicit reference to violence and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:32:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2085642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasiphile/pseuds/pasiphile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate times ask for desperate measures, even if that means taking an ex-soldier from prison and letting him mindmeld with a psychopathic genius. (Pacific Rim/Sherlock fusion)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monsters of Our Own

The silence hung heavy in the room, no noise except for the occasional distant rumble, muted voices in the distance, and the breathing of the three people in the room.

“You want me to _what_?” Sebastian said eventually.

“Volunteer for a new military programme.”

“Right.” He raised his hands, showing his shackles. “Not sure if you noticed, love, but I’m not exactly in a position to volunteer for anything apart from latrine duty.”

She smiled. “Consider it an alternative punishment scheme.”

“Yeah, right. Look, not that I wouldn’t _love_ to get the fuck out of here…” He tried to run his hand through his hair and was brought up short by the shackles. “I’m not a pilot,” he said, impatiently. “I’m not trained for – ”

“No one’s trained for this specific duty. At least, not yet. And it’s not a plane you’ll be piloting.”

“Then what, exactly,” Sebastian said slowly, “would I be piloting?”

“A giant fighter robot.”

The earlier silence returned in full force.

“If you’re taking the piss I’m going to fucking strangle you with my chains,” he said dully.

She leaned back, smiling. “You’ve seen first-hand how useless all our other defence strategies have been. Planes, tanks… They hardly even make a dent. We need to meet them on their own ground, as it were.”

“Right. So-o, let me get this straight. You want an ex-con to pilot a giant killer robot to fight oversized lizard monsters?”

“Yes. What do you say?”

Sebastian grinned wide. “You had to fucking _ask_? Of course I’m bloody willing, sign me up, when do I – ”

“That isn’t all.”

“Course it isn’t.” He leaned back and sighed. “Right, let’s hear it. What’s the catch?”

“You’d be co-piloting. We already have a potential partner in mind, but…”

He shrugged. “Look, I know I’ve got a reputation, but I _can_ work together with others, if needs must.”

“It’s not just working together.” She hesitated, then added, “It’s drifting.”

“And what’s that when it’s at home?”

She explained.

 

***

“Found me another one, then?” Jim asked. He propped his feet up on the console and continued to noisily chew gum.

“You could try to sound a bit more enthusiastic,” Lightcap said, annoyed.

“I don’t enjoy tearing people’s minds to bits,” Jim said, folding his hands behind his head. “Well, I _do_ , but not that much. It gets predictable after a while.”

Lightcap gave him a deeply-irritated look, but refrained from comment. As they all did.

The fact was, Jim was brilliant. Everyone knew it. He was _needed_.

But he was also terrifying. Which meant they much rather saw him risking his life in one of his pretty little robots than sitting behind the controls, fingers on so many important buttons, important plans just in reach.

And to be honest, he preferred being in the field. The technical things were interesting right up until they got _boring_ , but the monsters outside would never cease to entertain. It would be perfect, if only he could bypass that ridiculous need for a second pilot.

“Well, you can try again,” Ligthcap said. “New one’s called Sebastian Moran.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Jim said blithely, still chewing.

“He’s a – ”

“Oh, wait, it does.” Jim closed his eyes and started reciting, smiling at Lightcap’s irritated look. “Sebastian Moran, captain in the newest Special Defence Taskforce, noted for being one of the most effective and resourceful battle commanders until an unspecified and classified incident which resulted of the deaths of several of his squad landed him a dishonourable discharge and a life sentence.” He opened his eyes and flashed the shocked woman a wide grin. “Is that your plan now? Teaming me up with someone who’d murder me rather than play nice?”

“We’re getting desperate enough to try everything,” she admitted.

“Hm. Is the last one still crying?”

“That was the one before last. The last one didn’t even get inside your mind, according to her.”

“Don’t send me idiots, then.”

The door beeped. Jim dropped his feet back on the floor and sat up in interest. Lightcap authorised the lock and the doors slid open, revealing two soldiers, a scientist in a lab coat, and someone that _had_ to be Moran. Tall and fit and painfully straight posture, another boring soldierboy.

Jim spat his gum onto the floor and got up from his chair. He looked the newcomer slowly up and down, then gave him his most terrifying smile, the one that always made people a little nervous.

He was therefore surprised that Moran’s only reaction was a snort of laughter. “ _That’s_ him?” Moran sneered. “That’s – Oh, come off it, you’re joking, right?”

Jim smiled, unpleasantly. “And why did you think this was going to work again?” he asked Lightcap.

“Because I’m not sure which of you two is the biggest bastard,” she said drily. “Suit up, gentlemen. Let’s get this over with.”

***

They trotted off to the changing rooms together. Sebastian was fuming quietly, jaw clenched. It was a joke, wasn’t it? A cruel form of punishment. Give him a blatantly unsuitable partner, just so they could say they had tried and it hadn’t worked.

As if he’d let that little shit inside his head.

The door fell closed behind him. Sebastian pulled his shirt off and went to his locker.

Moriarty wolf-whistled. “Nice collection.”

Sebastian turned and found Moriarty ogling his scars. He glared. “Yeah, well. Occupational hazard.”

Moriarty smiled and headed to his locker, pulling his shirt over his head. His chest was slim and pale, and nowhere near as scarred as Sebastian’s was.

He’d read the file, though. Looked through the handful of missions Moriarty had coordinated so far, and despite himself he was a little impressed. Nothing like _him_ , of course, but the little shit wasn’t half bad. Very resourceful.

Not that that meant this had any chance in hell of working. Sebastian stepped into the strange, circuitry-covered wetsuit and pulled it up to his hips.

“You look like a screamer.”

He paused. “Sorry?”

“Screaming. Do you?” Moriarty asked, interestedly. He was still mostly naked, holding the suit over his arm. “The last one did.”

“What last one?” he said, irritably. He stepped into the boots and started closing the fastenings.

“Last one they tried to pair me off with. The first one they tried is still in therapy, apparently.”

“Is that supposed to scare me off?” he said. “I was Special Forces. Sure you can handle _my_ mind?”

Moriarty chuckled and zipped his suit up. “Ooh, big tough soldier, I’m so _scared_.”

“Fuck off.”

“You really are as much a people person as they said you were, aren’t you?” Moriarty clicked his boots closed and straightened up again. “I’m looking forward to seeing you brought down a peg.”

“I won’t.” Sebastian closed the collar around his neck and glowered. “I’ll be damned before I let someone like you get the upper hand.”

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we.” Moriarty pulled his glove on and grinned, baring his teeth. “But I’m putting my money on screaming.”

***

Everyone was jittery and nervous. One of the attendants even dropped the chest guard, missing Jim’s toe by less than an inch.

He rolled his eyes and sighed, pointedly. The kid straightened up again, blushing, fingers trembling, and tried again.

Someone else attached the spine piece. Jim rolled his shoulders back, adjusting to the added weight. He’d never been particularly physical, before. It wasn’t until you started piloting a giant robot that the need for physical prowess really got important. Even now, he felt ungainly and awkward in his armoured suit.

Moran, of course, wore his armour like he'd been born in it.

“Right, that’s it,” Lightcap said. “Get inside. There’s a panic button, if you need it.”

Jim smirked and pulled his helmet down. “I seriously doubt that.”

“Arrogant little shit, aren’t you?” Moran said, his voice tinny over the speakers inside the helmet.

“Is it arrogance if it’s with reason? I _designed_ these things -  but of course you don’t know that. Not interested in anything beyond smashing beasties, are you?”

“Doesn’t matter what I know and don’t, does it?” Moran said, perfectly calm. “In a couple of minutes I’ll know everything there is about you.”

Jim suppressed a shudder and headed for the door. “Think you’re going to get inside my head, do you?”

“That’s the idea.”

“Better men than you have tried. And it goes both ways, remember? Treasure your privacy, you won’t have it for much longer.”

The door closed. Jim headed for the right chair, and then had to stop when his shoulder bumped into Moran’s.

They’d both headed for the dominant place.

“I’m not giving up that chair,” Jim said dully.

“Bit of a control freak, aren’t you?” Moran sneered. Even from behind the visor his eyes were clear. “I’ve got more experience in the field, should be me in charge.”

“I _made_ these, I know them inside out.”

“Tech geeks don’t necessarily make good pilots.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “Nor do mindless idiots who think collapsing an entire bridge on top of a Kaiju is the height of strategic shrewdness.”

Moran grinned. “Heard about that, did you?”

It _had_ been a good move, though. Jim shook his head. “You might be able to _hit hard_ , Moran, I’m still the better planner. Get in the kiddie seat, there’s a good boy.”

Moran shrugged. “Fine. It’s not like it’s going to work anyway, is it?” He sat down heavily on the left chair. Jim settled down in the right.

His stomach twisted. All bragging and confidence aside, there was something about this, about feeling someone else’s mind rubbing alongside his, trying to get inside, that deeply bothered him. And Moran… He was a bit of a questionmark. A brute, but with something about him –

Never mind. In a minute or so Jim would have pushed him out of his mind same as he had the others, the very second he felt their fear or disgust or – sometimes, even worse – their pity. They never lasted.

“In place?” Lightcap asked over the comms.

“Ready,” Moran said.

“Same here.” Jim took hold of the armrests. “Go on, all this dealing with stupid people has made me sleepy. I feel like an early night.”

“Alright. Neural interface starting up in ten. Nine…”

The countdown continued. Jim clenched his teeth, feeling that odd nonsensical tingle, like he was about to fall asleep, like the start of a dream.

“Four. Three.”

He breathed in, deeply, tried to calm down. Defences up. No need to be afraid, he was in control here.

“One. Neural interface initiated.”

And then –

***

_Blood and ash, and pain but there is the fire and  
that is enough, the smell of smoke and –_

_\- burning, your ears ringing with the aftermath of the  
explosion and pain down your side and blood in your -_

_\- mouth, you’re on the floor being kicked and you’re  
 hurting all over and you don’t want this want to –_

_\- fight back, your fist crashing into someone’s jaw and that  
mad overwhelming feverish feeling of winning and –_

_\- triumph, as you stand back and watch as they  
fall because they got what’s coming for –_

_\- them, fuck them all, and you watch with cold eyes  
as they strip away your rank and your medals and you want –_

_\- revenge, for this, for being pressed against the brick wall  
and hands where you don’t want them and someone’s mouth –_

_\- against yours and warm skin and nails raking down your  
back and teeth in your neck and the sheer thrill of sex and - _

_\- violence, but it’s not about pain not about  
control it’s about showing them that –_

_\- despite what they think what they want from -_

_\- you you refuse to give in because -_

_-  you’re better than -_

_\- this better than them and –_

_\- you will -_

_\- win –_

_\- against the world -_

_(click)_

 

“Neural handshake complete.”

 

***

Not painful silence, not dead silence. Peaceful. Calming.

Calming?

Sebastian blinked. Not his thoughts, Jim’s. Marvelling at the peace of it. And then there was –

_fear old fears never truly gone voices ideas constant never –_

_\- STOP. Stop, it’s fine, the dark’s a safe –_

_\- place nothing can get you here but –_

_< calm>_

_< fear, struggling, hiding> don’t_

_< acceptance>_

_< peace>_

Sebastian breathed out. He slowly raised his left hand and felt-sensed-thought Jim raising his left along. Perfect synchronicity.

His right arm went up, without – but no, that was Jim, on his right, leading the dance. He followed, feeling oddly safe. And when had that ever happened before? Feeling – feeling alright with following someone, just like he was –

_< fury, struggling>_

_< annoyance> stop fighting_

_< anger> stupid why don’t they listen why don’t they –_

_< amusement> stop fighting_

_\- can’t listen why should you listen why should –_

_\- you listen because I know now stop fighting –_

_< unease>_

_< reassurance>_

_< peace>_

Jim’s voice crackled over the speakers. “What’s it look like on screen?”

“Rocky, but relatively stable,” the answer came. Sebastian breathed out again and tried to get used to the feeling of letting someone else take the lead, of following. It still wasn’t -

\- _rebellious you always were always knew better always –_

_\- more clever than the others why don’t they just listen –_

He shook his head. “Unless we’re taking her for a spin, I suggest you turn us off. I’m getting restless.”

< _question > want to tear the world apart want to hurt de-_

_\- stroy YES but con –_

_\- trol don’t let it slip you are better –_

_\- than -_

_\- that -_

“Alright. Powering down in ten, nine, eight…”

Sebastian curled his fingers, curiously, and could feel Jim echo him – but no, it wasn’t an echo, it was simultaneous, it was –

\- _scary as fuck what –_

_\- is happening you don’t know how –_

_\- to share you’ve always been on –_

_\- your –_

_\- own. <panic><reassurance><panic> –_

“And zero. Powering down.”

***

“Something seriously weird happened at the end. It started to spike all over.”

Jim nodded, absently, staring at the printouts. His mind wasn’t in it, and wasn’t that _funny_?

“You’ll need to train,” Lightcap said, sternly. “Get to the training room, pick whatever martial art you two can both get behind, and start attuning to each other. Got it?”

Jim tore the sheet of paper off. “We’ll see,” he said coldly, and turned on his heel.

He could feel people staring at him all the way to the door. They had been silent from the second Sebastian and he had stepped from the Jaeger, had helped the battle armour off with shaking hands, avoiding his eyes. And he’d been reeling as well, with the aftereffect, with -

Even now, he couldn’t shake – like he wanted to tear his nails down the inside of his head, scratch out everything that –

“If you think I’m going to just let you walk away after that you’ve got another thing coming.”

Sebastian. Following him. Jim gritted his teeth. “I need – ”

“Peace, yeah, got that bit. Is it always like that inside your head? The constant – ”

Jim spun around, grabbed Sebastian by the throat and pressed him against the wall, and –

_< amusementlustcarecuriosityworry>_

_< aggression>_

“Stay out of my head,” Jim said, slow and clear.

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” Seb said, raising his hands in a gesture of innocence. “Makes sense there are aftereffects, right?”

“I don’t care.” He dropped his hands and stepped back. “If you think – ” He took a deep breath. “This doesn’t mean a thing.”

“Yeah, right. We’re compatible, Jim, and you fucking know it.”

Jim strode off to the changing rooms. Sebastian followed him, one step behind, left side.

It shouldn’t feel this natural. This _good_.

“How much of an aftereffect is there?” Sebastian asked, closing the door behind him. “I mean, I can sort of… But it’s just vague.”

Jim snapped his collar off. “You’re tired, didn’t sleep enough last night. Your left shoulder is aching from an old scar and you’re dying for a ham sandwich.”

“Wow.”

“Yes.” Jim put the boots back in his locker and unzipped the suit. He was already feeling calmer, now that initial panic of – of feeling someone else inside was starting to fade. It was mutual. He’d got inside Sebastian’s head as well. He could deal with this.

“Want to tell me where the lust came from?” Jim asked, peeling his suit off.

Sebastian leered. “Where do you think?”

Jim pointedly turned his back and Sebastian laughed.

“Oh, come on, modesty? Although, I suppose after what you’ve…”

Jim froze. _That_ particular memory was one he had thought he’d buried somewhere deep and inaccessible, and yet it had popped up after barely a minute in drift. And Sebastian had seen – no, _shared_ it.

“Don’t – ”

“Talk about it, yeah,” Sebastian said, calmly. Calm, that had been it, that blessed elusive feeling of peace.

He turned around again. Sebastian had stripped to the waist and was in the process of peeling the suit down from his hips. Jim folded his arms and glared at him. “Try something and – ”

\- _I never would –_

Jim blinked.  Sebastian pulled a face. “Er…”

“This can get annoying,” Jim said.

“I’m hoping it will pass if we get better at it. Speaking of: training?”

“Tomorrow. I’m – ”

“Tired, yeah, I know.” Sebastian frowned, then shook his head. “Bloody hell, this is weird.”

Jim pulled his trousers up. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, pointedly avoiding Sebastian’s eyes.

“Suppose so.”

Jim zipped his jacket closed and turned to the door.

“Sleep well.”

He turned. Sebastian was looking at him, frowning, bare-chested and –

_ <worrycuriositylustelation>_

Jim shook his head and went to his bedroom.

***

_The smell of blood and smoke, his skin seared but that didn’t matter, as long as he had his revenge, as long as they burned for daring to –_

Sebastian jolted awake.

Nightmares. He was used to those, only this particular scenario wasn’t his, was it?

He slid out of bed and silently moved to the hallway. Of course he didn’t know which one of the many rooms in the Dome was Jim’s, but –

He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, accessing that strange tiny bit at the back of his mind, where Jim still lingered, and –

_< painconfusionfear> too much why doesn’t it ever –_

_\- stop but it has it’s alright calm DOWN -_

He strode down the hallway and without a sliver of hesitation opened the last door on the left.

Jim was in bed, frowning, tossing and turning. Sebastian sat on the edge and carefully touched his shoulder.

\- _blood in your mouth and pain in your side and your ears  
ringing but this isn’t your memory doesn’t matter it’s–_

_\- being helpless and watching people you know  
burn and being torn apart but that is in –_

_\- the past and you can’t change a thing about it now –_

_\- so let go of it <reassurance> _

_< peace>_

Jim murmured and curled onto his side. The frown eased a little.

Sebastian gave his shoulder a squeeze and got up again, leaving Jim to his new dreams.

***

Sebastian was already inside the training room the next morning, stretching that absurdly well-built body of his.

Jim shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have come. He should have told the high command exactly what they could with his so-called _drift partner_ and retreated back to the environment he was more familiar with. What was so special about running around in the mud and dirt anyway, getting his hands dirty like the - the _ordinary_ people?

Yet here he was. Too intrigued to stay away.

“Morning,” Sebastian said cheerfully. And then, after a second look at Jim’s bare arms and shoulders, he added in a tone that was entirely too appreciative for Jim’s comfort, “You’re not half as scrawny as you try to look, are you?”

“You don’t get to pilot a Jaeger without the requisite amount of muscle mass,” Jim said. He cracked his neck. “So, picked something yet?”

“Wrestling.”

“Says the man who’s half a foot taller than me.”

“Chance to prove size isn’t everything, then.”

“Very funny.” He stretched and popped his neck. “Fine. Let’s see it, then.”

Sebastian charged.

Jim, when fighting, relied a lot on his mind. On predicting where they would hit next, where they were at their weakest, what their style was. Not that that meant he didn’t need his strength, because he did, he still needed to hit and kick right where and when it was required. But most of his martial successes came from being quick, agile, and responsive.

Even so, his reaction to Sebastian’s attack came a little bit too quickly to be entirely natural.

Sebastian straightened up from where he had nearly lost his balance and whirled on Jim, looking slightly outraged. “How did you – ”

“You’re predictable,” Jim drawled.

“Never been called that before.”

“First time for everything. Are you going to _do_ anything?”

Sebastian swung – so much for wrestling rules. Jim rolled his eyes and neatly dodged both the feinted punch as the kick that came after it.

Sebastian scowled. “Are you inside my head?”

“Not on purpose.”

“Well, stop fucking around. This isn’t supposed to be about who _wins_ , you know.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. He pressed his nails in his palm, then without warning rammed his shoulder into Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian went _oof_ and grabbed Jim’s shoulder, pulling him along. They went to the floor together, with Sebastian making sure Jim landed below.

Sebastian pressed his arm against Jim’s throat, an eerie reversed echo of what Jim had done yesterday. “Two-one,” he said, grinning. He got up again and extended a hand to Jim.

Jim glared at him, then suddenly kicked out. It was a completely unpredictable move, one that had worked more times than he could count – pretend to be defeated than hit back with all you’ve got – but Sebastian side-stepped automatically.

And then he blinked. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh.” Jim hopped back to his feet. “Let’s try again.”

“Yeah, fine. But stop wanting to _win_ all the time.”

Jim grinned. “Then don’t be such a pushover.”

“Right.” Sebastian growled and hunched a little. “Gloves are off.”

“Oh, were they _on_? You should have – _oof_.” He only just managed to dodge Sebastian’s punch.

“ _Stop running_ ,” Sebastian yelled, frustrated.

“So what should I do?” Jim rammed his elbow down on Sebastian’s bent back, then danced quickly out of reach. “Stand and let you pummel me?”

Sebastian straightened up again, breathing hard. “That would be a fucking start. Alright, so you can – can essentially read my mind, yeah?”

“That’s a very crude way of putting it, but yes.” Jim bounced on his heels, alert to every change.

“Good.”

And suddenly Jim was on the floor again, Sebastian’s knee on his chest. “ _How_ – “”

“Didn’t think,” Sebastian said smugly. He got off Jim and gave him a hand up. “Acted on instinct.”

“Hm. Alright, again.”

Sebastian threw him a salute, then kicked out again.

***

Every single muscle in his body seemed to ache. He was covered in bruises, his tank top was soaked with sweat, and his nose was still smarting from where Jim had slammed his knee into it earlier.

He’d never felt more glorious.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead and stepped closer to Jim. He blocked Jim’s first punch, dodged the next, and managed to get under Jim’s arm. He grabbed hold of Jim’s shirt and threw him over his hip. Jim’s feet scrabbled on the tatami in an effort to keep up. And then he did – something, something too quick and fucking _slippery_ to follow, and he was on his feet again, both hands around Sebastian’s arm. He had just a split second to think _oh shit_ and take in Jim’s triumphant grin, and then he flew through the air.

He landed hard, all breath knocked out of him, with Jim cackling in the background.

“You’re half my fucking weight,” Sebastian gasped once the ceiling stopped being the floor. “How the hell can you throw me like that?”

“Leverage,” Jim said cheerfully, from somewhere above him.

“Fine.” Sebastian kicked out at where Jim’s voice had come from and his right foot slammed hard against the back of Jim's knee. Jim hit the floor hard, unprepared, arms flailing, and Sebastian pounced gleefully.

Jim tried to struggle but Sebastian straddled him and trapped his arms to the mat. Jim’s leg went up so he threw his own leg over his, trapping that as well. And then he had him pinned, unmoving.

Sebastian grinned. “Gotcha.”

Jim’s eyes were large, dark. His normally pale cheeks were flushed and his slicked-back hair was all mussed up and his mouth was wet and pink and somehow Sebastian hadn’t realised they were pressed together almost everywhere, including –

“ _Gentlemen_.”

They both looked up. “Major,” Jim said from beneath Sebastian, sounding surprisingly composed given the signals certain parts of his anatomy were currently sending up. “How nice to see you.”

“What in god’s name are you doing?”

“Following orders,” Sebastian said, hands still on Jim’s hard warm forearms. “Practicing.”

“Oh, _practicin’,_  is it? Didn’t really look like that.” Pentacost raised his eyebrows. “Get up, you’re wanted in the command centre. New tests.”

“Right.” Sebastian rolled off Jim and jumped up. “Oops, sorry,” he added, grinning. “I meant _yessir_.” He grabbed Jim’s sweaty hand and pulled him up as well.

“Should I start _yessirring_ as well?” Jim asked, all fake concern.

“Just get a move on, you two,” Pentacost said, tiredly.

“I wouldn’t want to be _disrespectful_.”

“Shut up.”

“ _Yessir_ ,” Jim said, tagging on a sharp salute for good measure. Pentacost simply rolled his eyes and marched away, leaving them to trot after him.

“Prick,” Sebastian said, watching Jim’s cheerful smile from the corner of his eye.

Jim winked. “I like to think of it as _cheeky charm_.”

“Yeah? I think of it as - ”

Jim tutted. “Language.”

“I didn’t even finish,” Sebastian said, but Jim just smiled in response.

“You didn’t have to.”

***

The tests were boring and endless, and consequently his thoughts started to stray off more than once, which was annoying. He didn’t want to daydream right now, and he especially didn’t want Sebastian to catch even the tail end of his thoughts.

Jim looked aside. Sebastian’s fingers were tapping again. It was one of Jim’s own mannerisms, and he was willing to bet a lot that Sebastian didn’t use to do that before they – before he –

He should never have agreed to this.

He couldn’t even _sleep_ anymore without Sebastian intruding. The three nights since their first drift had all been spent in a strange mixture of his own usual nightmares and something strange and aggressive and war-filled that couldn’t be anything but Sebastian’s own dreams.

Although the first night had been strangely peaceful, for some reason.

He rubbed his forehead. Sebastian was sitting next to him, filling out questionnaires with an increasing air of fed-upness. Would he throw a tantrum? What Jim had read in the file suggested no real problems with authority, but what he’d – he’d seen, or felt, or _thought_ –

Sebastian’s knee nudged his. Jim caught his breath.

And then there was _this_ , of course.

“Right,” Sebastian said, throwing his pencil down. “Enough of this.”

“Sorry?” the current lab rat asked, looking between them with a worried expression.

“This is bullshit,” Sebastian said evenly. “I get the physical tests, but asking me what my favourite flower is? Whether or not I like _long solitary walks_?”

“The personality profiles – ”

“Are a load of bollocks. We’ve already proven we’re compatible and that’s all you need to fucking know.” Sebastian stood up. “We’re fucking _done_. Come get me when there’s important stuff to do.” And he strode out.

Jim watched him go, eyes drawn to the way his shoulders moved when he walked, and the muscle of his arm contracting as he threw the door open, and…

Damn this.

“Well then,” Jim said, looking back at the lab rat clutching her clipboard. “I suppose we’re finished here?”

Luckily for her she only had to stammer for a few seconds before the door opened and Lightcap came in. “Why did I just see your co-pilot storm down the corridor?” she asked, giving Jim an accusatory look.

“He got fed up. Understandably.” He smiled charmingly at Lightcap. “All these tests… If I were the suspicious type I might start think you’re doing everything to stall our next proper drift. Scared Sebastian and I will get up to naughty things together, Doctor? Reassessing your choice of co-pilot?”

“Even if I was, it’s too late now. Your connection is obviously very strong.”

Jim twitched, then hid it with another smile. “So when are you going to do something useful with it? Weren't we on the brink of the Apocalypse? I'd say indecision is a luxury you can't afford anymore, doctor.”

“Fine.” She sighed. “I’ll find Pentacost, set up another trial run. And Jim…”

“Yes?” he asked, smiling sweetly.

“No funny business.”

***

The collar dropped to the floor with a resonating _cloing_.

Sebastian cursed and bent to pick it up again. His back twinged. He had a massive bruise all across his side, courtesy of Jim pummelling him in the training room. At the time it had been - well, amazing, truth to be told, but right now it was just a bloody inconvenience.

“You’re nervous,” Jim said from behind him.

Sebastian didn’t look up. “Fuck off, I’m not.”

“It’s stupid to lie to me.”

“Yeah?” Sebastian turned his head and glared. “Fine, yeah, I’m – wired. And so are you.”

Jim shrugged. “Just healthy anticipation.”

“Hypocrite.”

Jim blinked. “Sorry?”

“All that bullshit about honesty and still you insist on pretending - ” He waved his hand. “Do you think I don’t notice? The way you’re - ”

“Shush,” Jim said sharply.

“Wh-”

The door opened and two white-coated lab rats came in, fiddling with the sensors in the suits. Jim shot Sebastian a pointed look.

As if he needed that, as if he couldn’t hear the _shut up_ as clearly as if he had thought it himself.

Sebastian sighed and flexed his fingers. They’d only drifted three times so far, and the two last ones had been short, fragmentary, broken off before they had really connected. Calibrating, they had called it, because all this stuff was still dangerously experimental. Apparently a few of the other subjects had had to be pulled out because of severe neurological damage.

It was frustrating, though. Jim wasn’t exactly the talkative type when it came to personal things. He simply didn’t want to talk about this, about the electric current that seemed to run between them and the way Sebastian’s skin felt against his and god, just the memory of Sebastian’s full weight on him was –

Shit. Not his own thoughts.

He gave Jim a quick look. He didn’t seem to have noticed anything and was still staring morosely ahead while the lab rats fiddled with the sensors.

“His heart rate is elevated,” one of them said, checking Jim’s sensor.

Sebastian gave Jim a filthy smirk. Jim scowled back. “Can we hurry this up?” he said, loudly. “I’m getting bored.”

“Just finishing up.” The lab rats straightened up again, and with one final beep of their equipment they took off.

Sebastian gave Jim a look. “Not now,” Jim said.

“They advise you not to go into drift with unresolved issues.”

“Oh, read the manual, did you?” Jim opened the door and looked over his shoulder. “Coming?”

“Fine, fucking fine, see if I care if the electricity fries your brain.” He grabbed his helmet and went out.

He fell automatically into step behind Jim, on his left side, slightly behind him. Walking anywhere else would simply feel _wrong._

Fuck, he was in deep.

They stepped onto the platform in front of the Jaeger. Sebastian put his helmet on. “Everything alright?” he asked over the comm.

“All in order. You two ready?”

“As we’ll ever be," he said, looking up at the Jaeger. "Is _she_ ready?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

They went in and the doors closed behind them with an ominous clanging sound. Sebastian took his seat and glanced at Jim. He looked a little pale, a lot tense. Like he was fighting something.

“Ready?” the voice over the intercom asked.

“Yeah,” Sebastian said absently, still eyeing Jim through the helmet. Jim gave a curt _yes_ as well and the cockpit powered up. Sebastian tried to catch Jim’s eye again, but he was stubbornly staring ahead.

Well, fine. He’d find out what was wrong soon enough.

“Starting up in ten, nine, eight…”

Sebastian breathed out and tried to relax. Not that it worked: those first few moments in drift were always overwhelming, no amount of relaxation helped with that.

Jim’s grip on his armrest was white-knuckled.

“Three, two, one – ”

_Here we go_ , Sebastian thought, bracing himself.

And then everything dissolved.

***

- _the training room, his weight on yours and the smell  
of his sweat and his wild unrestrained –_

_\- grin and his eyes glittering and his pulse beneath -_

_\- your fingers and a warm mouth against yours like your -_

\- _first time, the shower tiles wet behind your back and staring  
down at the dark hair of the boy on his knees in front of –_

_\- you but you grab a handful of shirt and slam  
him against the wall and kiss eagerly feeling –_

_\- teeth in your lip and laughter and a soft warm thigh and –_

_\- the boy’s throat beneath your hand and wide panicked eyes  
and this isn’t nearly as much fun when they’re getting –_

_\- scared but she grins lopsidedly and closes the handcuff around  
your wrist and you pull against them reveling in the feeling of -_

_\- overpowering except it’s never quite –_

_\- right to just –_

_\- give –_

_\- in –_

“Neural handshake complete.”

***

The chest guard clanged to the floor. Jim didn’t pay it any heed, bouncing on his heels, waiting impatiently until the outer armour was all off.

The second they were free Sebastian grabbed his wrist and pulled him along, frantically. They barely made it to the changing room in time and even then it was –

Too much, too much to process, too much to deal with, Sebastian’s mouth against his and Jim’s fingers on his neck, the only thing not covered by his fucking suit, but Christ, with the way Sebastian kissed he felt like he could come from this alone.

Sebastian broke off, eyes wild. “We should – ”

“Take off our suits and fuck right here.”

“Right.”

He grabbed Jim’s shoulder and turned him roughly around, pulling at the suit. The second he had it unzipped he pressed his hands against Jim’s skin, as if he was starving for touch, arms wrapped around Jim’s waist and his face pressed into Jim’s neck. Jim moaned and reached back, hand closing on Sebastian’s smooth suited thigh.

“I thought you didn’t want this?” Sebastian asked, breath tickling Jim’s nape.

“I didn’t.” He reached back blindly, took hold of Sebastian’s hair. “I’m – I don’t – I can’t _not_.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian muttered. His hands got busy again, pulling at the suit, forcing it down. He was being clumsy, uncharacteristically unskilled.

“ _Hurry_ ,” Jim groaned. He started pulling at the suit as well. Even the slight brush of his knuckles against Sebastian’s fingers felt like it should set off sparks.

“I am, alright, easy, I’m – ” He finally managed to pull the suit over Jim’s hips and his hand closed around Jim’s cock and –

“ _Christ_ ,” Jim breathed.

“I don’t – ” Sebastian’s hand clawed at his throat, his teeth grazing the back of Jim’s neck. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t – I saw, I mean, I felt, if you – ”

“Shut _up_.”

“Yeah.”

Jim turned around and pulled him down by the collar for another hard kiss. It was all smooth polymer underneath his hands, nothing there but the small strip of skin at his throat. And even simply drawing his thumb over that got Sebastian shuddering. “Get it _off_ ,” he hissed, and Sebastian let go of Jim’s neck and started pulling at his suit.

Jim tipped his head back against the wall and took a few deep breaths. He’d never felt this. _Ever_. Sex was something complicated and distracting and difficult, but now there was Sebastian, and the way they fit perfectly, slotting together –

Sebastian sniggered. “My protruding parts filling your holes?”

“ _Stay out of my head_.”

“Make me.”

Jim grabbed Sebastian’s bare arms and turned him around, slamming him back against the wall. “Stay out,” he growled. He took Sebastian’s hair and yanked his head back, baring his neck.

“No,” Sebastian said, grinning. Jim bit down hard on Sebastian’s clavicle, only to get a groan in a response, and –

_\- every nerve ending on fire you want you –_

_\- want him inside around you everywhere now you –_

_\- can’t breathe can’t think just w-_

_-ant like burning like –_

_\- now please god don’t –_

_\- wait hands mouth sk-_

_-in heat friction you can’t you -_

_\- he –_

_-together-_

***

“Wow.”

There was no reply. Sebastian slowly rolled his head.

Jim was sitting down next to him, thigh and shoulder leaning against his, eyes half-lidded.

He didn’t need to say anything, after all. He could feel the amazement and the satisfaction coming off of Jim like body heat.

“Is it always going to be like that?” Sebastian asked.

“No idea. No long term studies yet. Might be the connection grows weaker over time.” Jim looked aside and grinned. “Might get stronger too.”

“Not sure if I can _survive_ anything more intense than that, to be honest.”

“Hmm.” Jim straightened a little and shifted about, taking the body contact and the shared heat away. But then he flopped down heavily, head in Sebastian’s lap. It felt weirdly satisfying, like a hot bath after a long day of physical exertion. Relaxing.

“Not freaking out anymore?" Sebastian asked.

"Freaking out?" Jim repeated, eyes closed.

"About the…” Sebastian waved his hand. “Intrusion. Closeness. Whatever you call it.”

“Hmmm, not really.” Jim smiled broadly, looking like a satisfied cat. “I’m starting to see the benefits.”

“You still going to feel like that when the post-coital bliss wears off?”

“Maybe.” He cracked one eye open. “Stop worrying.”

“Sorry.”

_< peace satisfaction lingering curiosity>_

_< sated happy content wait curiosity what>_

_\- what else can we do experi-_

_\- menting right <happy anticipation>_

_< amusement>_

_< peace>_

“So,” Sebastian said, still floating happily in shared headspace. “They’re, er, probably going to come and look for us soon enough.”

“Maybe. We weren’t being exactly subtle, though.”

“Mm, point taken.” He put his hand on Jim’s bare chest and felt his heart beat, in time with his own. Scary, really, but also kind of amazing. “We are going to have to do some proper work at some time, though. There’s still a war.”

“You want to fight?”

“Desperately. Don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Jim opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “They’re fascinating.”

“Yeah. And hard to kill.”

Jim’s eyes focused on him.

\- _the stench the creature huge too big otherworldly and  
nothing worked nothing could kill it what if –_

_\- but they do die everything dies it’s just a  
matter of finding out the weak spot and you’re –_

_\- good at –_

_\- that -_

 

“How do you reckon we’ll do in a fight?” Sebastian asked, out loud.

“Darling,” he said, lazily, “if we’re even half as good at fucking as at fighting, this entire invasion will be over by next month.”

“Yeah, don’t get ahead of yourself.”

Jim grinned. “I wouldn’t _dare_.”

“You arrogant little piece of – ”

The intercom sparked to life. “ _Rangers Moran and Moriarty, please report for duty_.”

“Right, that’s us.” Sebastian watched Jim’s face, calm, relaxed, pleased. Probably a mirror of his own expression.

“We should go,” Jim said, fake-earnestly. “Imagine if they had to _wait_ for us.”

“You mean,” Sebastian said, grinning slowly, “like they made us wait for four fucking days?”

“They’d be _ever so_ _cross_ with us.”

“Might do them some good, though. Teach them some patience.”

Jim’s eyes opened. “Why, Sebastian,” he said lazily. “Do you have something in mind?”

Sebastian grinned. 

_\- skin on skin mouth on mouth and let’s -_

_\- see what else we can –_

_\- do -_

"What do you think?" Sebastian asked, pulling a concerned face. "Good idea?"

" _Brilliant_ idea. Must have been mine."

"Prick."

"Arsehole."

_ <amusementlustelationpeace>_

And Jim pulled him down by the neck.


End file.
